Two clicks is all it took to go from "Southern Baptist" to "Atheist" on my Facebook religion status. Little did I know that Facebook decided it was time to let the world know about my recent faith switch. Much like a young teen announcing to the world they have found the perfect mate and having Facebook publish their relationship status to "In a relationship" my religion status reported a change. Now it didn't directly say "Daniel went from being a loving Christian to an atheist scum" on my page, it simply reported that I changed my religion information. One would think that would go unnoticed in the tsunami of unimportant information that is regularly posted to FB. My one line of text reporting my change must have stuck out like a sore thumb to those that cared, because a few days later I got a phone call from my mother.
The phone call began awkward at best. Then the bomb was dropped. I don't remember the wording exactly but it went to the tune of this "What is with this atheist change on your Facebook?" My mother never being tech savvy and at the time she didn't even use FB (which would indicate that someone actually reported to her about my change, but I digress) so she had no idea about how innocently this announcement was. She was under the impression that I hit the caps lock button and began to post a status update telling everyone how awesome I was because I'm an atheist, and then following that with a generous amount of exclamation points. Little did she know that on the surface it didn't even show what I changed it to. One had to actually click on my personal information to see. If I could offer one bit of advice it is this: keep Facebook out of it. This is not the medium in which to manifest your new found love for evidence and truth. Facebook has done not one bit of good concerning my family and atheism. It never will because this is not what Facebook was designed for.
In the following month after my jumping ship about half of my Christian family wanted nothing to do with me, they were disgusted, they were disappointed. I was amazed how 24 years of memories and good times with various family members was thrown out like trash and the only thing that remained were our religious differences. My mother, by herself, with no monetary support, raised me and my older brother the best way she knew how. At family gatherings I would often gravitate towards my uncle to fill the hole that was left from my father walking out on us. My uncle was the religious pillar of our family. He always said prayer at Thanksgiving. Everything related back to Jesus or god somehow. He was slightly nerdy and loved the cosmos as I did. I considered him a father and a friend. This is why he hurt me the most when he said the words "No atheist will ever step foot in my house. You will poison me and my family. I want nothing to do with you." If I have ever been close to weeping from mere words it was then. I was shocked that he could say that to a family member he loved. I would expect him to say that to a stranger that decided to tread on his bible, but not me, his family. I began dropping family like flies. Soon followed my brother and and cousins. However as disappointed I was at those reactions I was even more shocked by my other family members reactions.
Out of everyone I never expected the reaction I got from my aunt. She said the single most loving and caring sentence anyone has said to me concerning my atheism. Being a devout Catholic she said and I quote "Daniel,... I don't care what decisions you make. You are the same person to me and there is nothing you can say or do that would remove my love for you." This comment came at the end of a storm of negative reactions I got from the rest of the family, and it was exactly what I needed to restore faith in my family. I then learned that my sister-in-law has a sister that is an atheist, and that at first it was difficult but as the years come and go everything gets better. The problem I am facing now is that the religious cannot divorce a person from their beliefs. To them I will always be an atheist.
The decision to become an atheist carries with it the weight of the world. Add in the belief that if you do make that choice you will burn in hell for eternity and it is no wonder why my family showed a spectrum of emotion. What's important is to show your family that your atheism does not define you. You will have to prove to them that you can still be good and do good to others without the fear of punishment or the benefit of reward. The bible tells them that if you are not for god you are against him. This line has been echoed in almost every conversation I have had with my family. This makes it difficult for them to not feel contempt about your new position. You have to understand that to them you have consciously decided to spend eternity rotting in hell, and they cannot understand why anyone would choose this. Nothing you say will ease this thought I have learned. The bible paints a vivid picture of hell and is very clear about who will go there and who will not. Here comes the bad news. Time is the only thing that will heal the wounds inflicted by your atheism. My mother is now talking to me on the stipulation that religion is not to be mentioned. My brother is trying to have a relationship with me. No major progress has been made on my uncle but he did send me a flashlight for Christmas so I guess that is something. It is a shame that most likely my son will grow up and not know my uncle. If I could offer any advice I would suggest to announce your atheism while in a serious face to face setting and remove any and all emotion you may feel from their reaction. Try to get them to realize that you may very well be an atheist but you are still family, and family should transcend religious affiliation.
